• Chantal Porter

10 Things To Look For In A Partner

Updated: Aug 26, 2019

So by now you should be able to tell if someone is not right for you based on my last post.

I have a friend who likes to joke that the only thing she looks for in a man is an active pulse. It’s funny the first time you hear it but scary to see in motion. A relationship, contrary to popular belief is not a guessing game.

Frankly speaking, love is not a game at all. If you’re serious about being in a successful and fulfilling relationship, then there are a few things that you will need to look out for. Sure, every single relationship will be different, because the people involved in the relationships are different, that’s the first and most important principle. It’s important to remember that as your relationship progresses, because the last thing you want to do is fall into the comparison trap.

That being said, there are a few key things that will run through every relationship (they might manifest differently, but their foundation is the same). In no particular order, these are ten things to look for in a partner that you intend to build a life with:

1. Emotional support

We are all emotional beings. Different experiences will trigger different responses in all of us, but the one thing that helps to make that better is knowing that your partner is on your team, has your back and will always provide you with emotional support.

2. Respect

Respect in a relationship will be demonstrated in various ways. Respect doesn’t apply only when your partner is directly in your presence, but applies just as much when they’re absent. Loyalty and respect are intimately tied up in each other and that is why betrayal hurts so much. Respect says that “I value you”, it says “you’re important to me”, “I honor you”.

3. Love

This goes without saying. A relationship without love is quite miserable. Arranged marriages that work out to be amazing, only become so when the partners fall in love. Love leads you to be selfless, to be patient, and giving. It is from love that all else flows.

4. Friendship

Romantic love aside, having a friendship with your partner improves the quality of your overall relationship. When you’re friends with your partner, you’re able to enjoy each other’s company and have tons of fun that has absolutely nothing to do with sex.

5. Reliability

There is something beautiful about knowing that you can count on your partner. A person who does what they say they’re going to do when they said they’d do it, makes life a lot less stressful. It brings assurance into your life and gives you peace because you know that they’re going to come through.

6. Sexual Attraction

Let’s talk about sex baby! It is not shallow to want to be sexually attracted to your mate. It adds to the fire and the passion that you should experience in the bedroom, or the kitchen or the car, or wherever it is you choose to get your freak on. It helps to look at your partner and go wow...that’s all mine.

7. Romance

Sex is fun (I’m not gonna get prudish on you now). As fun as it is, romance is so amazing. A life long partner should be able to do both. Romance takes care of your emotional and spiritual needs while sex takes care of the physical and spiritual needs. Combined, romance and sex take full care of you.

8. Maturity

This is a big one. It is hard to be emotionally supportive, to forgive and to be reliable if you are immature. An immature person is often insecure and an insecure person in a relationship has to be handled with care. An immature partner is irrational, petty, jealous, a lover of drama and (most importantly) hasn’t grown up yet. A lasting relationship will require maturity.

9. Shared values

There is a difference between your personality and your values. It is no problem if your partner has a different personality type than you do, but there needs to be shared values for your relationship to work.

10. Someone who makes time for you

Life will get busy, and things will happen, but a partner who sees the value in making time for you is a partner for the ages. It shows that they want to do life with you and that is always a great thing.

Love is patient, love is kind, love has endurance and it’s worth having. You can choose to go through life blindfolded in your efforts to find a partner, or you can become intentional about it. Fumbling around in the dark is often more painful and uncertain than flipping the switch and knowing what to look for. It’s on you to choose.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this post. Feel free to share your views in the comments and also let me know what other topics you would be interested in.

Love is an amazing experience. If you're trying to find out what to look for in a partner, this is a great place to start.

“We are shaped and fashioned by what we love.”— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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