Does Love At First Sight Really Exist?
Updated: Jun 16
Around here, we like love. We love the feeling of belonging, treasuring and being treasured. It’s amazing. We’ve talked about the tell-tale signs of falling in love and how to know if you’ve found the one, but we’ve never really talked about timelines.
Does love at first sight really exist?
This is an age-old question that really has two simple answers, depending on what you choose to believe. Your answer can either be yes or no. If you remember our analysis of love great, if not, here’s a quick reminder:
“Love is a verb. This is the first place movies and love songs go wrong. Love is generally portrayed as a noun; something to look for and something to find. Nope. Love is not a thing you hold, it’s a thing you do.”
When we view love like this, it’s pretty hard for us to accept that there is such a thing as love at first sight.
“But the first time I saw bae I knew he was the one!”
“But I married the woman I saw and “fell in love with” instantly.”
“But after 7 years we’re still together and it’s the best relationship I’ve ever had.”
I hear you. I believe you. You’re right, you probably did do all those things and I’m super happy for you. Cheers!!!
I’m not saying that nothing happened at first sight. That’s not at all what I’m saying.
Physical attraction, chemistry, sexual tension, lust, desire, interest- those are all things that can happen in an instant. We see someone that appeals to us and we’ve got to get to know them better, because we want them in our lives forever. Am I right?
Okay. Why do you need to get to know them better? Why not skip to the marriage, the sex, and the kids right away? Is it because you don’t know the person, and while they may be 'foine', they may also be the kind of crazy that you are not ready to sign up for?
But I thought you were in love… doesn’t love conquer all?
Doesn’t love require that your partner gets to be their best and worst selves with acceptance and without judgment?
Some of the most beautiful relationships ever recorded started off with the very first encounter being electric and the connection being immediate but neither of those things can happen literally at first sight. Connections require at the very least, a conversation that goes beyond “hello”.
As you get to know each other, the feelings you experienced may intensify and you become more certain that this person is yours. This again happens over time.
Respect is built with time. Trust is built with time. Honor does not happen in an instant and any love devoid of these elements is not built to last.
“We grew into love”.
Yes, you did, but you grew out of desire and attraction first. There came a time in your relationship where it became about much more than just the initial chemical reactions we often mistake for love. When we see the person for who they are and decide to make it work, that’s the very first step you actually take towards love, because we cannot love somebody that we do not know.
“How dare you? I love Michael B Jordan! He’s my soulmate.”
“I’m in love with Beyonce, she’s my everything.”
“I know them!”
Correction- you know about them.
The same way you know a few things about the person you just met.
We see it all the time. A celebrity has thousands of adoring fans when things go great, but if the right kind of scandal breaks out, they vanish.
Love is not fickle, fleeting or fragile and it is none of these things because it is built on a solid foundation, not on sand. Foundations take time in the same way that love takes time. It should never be rushed, it can never be planned and when it starts to happen after the original high of the first encounter comes into focus, then it truly is an absolutely beautiful thing.
“There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.” ― Sarah Dessen