• Chantal Porter

How To Forgive Someone That Hurt You

Updated: Aug 27, 2019

Life is so short... I know that's no way to start an article but it's true. We spend our days chasing so many different things and barely come up for air. Don't get me wrong, I am all for chasing dreams and making a difference in the world but some times we forget what is really important. The connections that we make throughout our lives, with the people that really matter to us, is what it all comes down to at the end of the day. I probably mentioned this before in another post but life has a way of throwing things at us when we least expect it.

Life is filled with meanders, hoops and stumbling blocks that we have to conquer one day at a time but that's what makes it truly amazing. So let me reiterate what I said at the beginning and flesh it out a bit more, life is too short...to hold a grudge against anyone. Letting go of the hurt and pain so that you can forgive is probably one of the hardest things that you'll ever do. Now I don't know your story and I won't pretend like I do, but I'd like to help free you in whatever way I can because I have been there too.

Here's how you can learn how to forgive someone that hurt you.

Face what they did-

Forgiveness can only start with the decision to forgive. It is actually the only way to start the process. A lot of times when we go through painful situations we try to simply forget about instead of facing them. This approach tends to create a 'festering wound' type of situation that can spiral out of control pretty quickly. What you need to do is first accept that the person hurt you and then try to deal with it thereafter.

Talk about it-

As I said previously you must acknowledge what happened to you. By acknowledging that it happened you are one step closer to forgiving the person who hurt you. Sometimes however it's not enough to just acknowledge the situation, so let's take it a step further. Depending on the gravity of the situation, it is always best to talk to someone that you trust about it. You might get a new perspective on the situation that you missed because you were so angry in the moment. You can also seek the help of a counselor to really get all your issues out on the table. Maybe the hurt that you're now feeling has deeper roots than you knows, as a result it is best to get some external help.

Acknowledge that people make mistakes-

Nobody's perfect! We tend to put so much faith in people that we never expect them to simply mess up at some point in time. Well here's the hard truth, we are imperfect beings! We mess up at will sometimes. I'm not trying to make excuses for any one but I need you to understand that if you can accept just how flawed people are from the start, it makes it a tad bit easier to forgive them when they hurt you or do something that offends you.

Remember that you can only control yourself and no one else.-

This is something that has frustrated me over the years. Every time someone does something that seems a bit crazy or unreasonable I tend to lash out on the inside. I would think of all the reasons why I would have never done what they did or said what they said. All the time forgetting one important detail, it doesn't matter what I think, because I can only control myself. At the end of the day you're responsible for you and you can only control your actions. Use this to guide you when you're thinking about what the person did to hurt you.

Let it go-

This is the final step in forgiving someone that hurt you. You need to let go of the pain and hurt that you feel and basically free yourself. Getting to this point can take some time, for some it might mean years. Nevertheless, when you get to that place wherein you no longer need to hold on to that pain anymore then you have made it to the point of forgiveness. At this point you can either let the person know that you have forgiven them and reconcile the relationship or simply move on.

Forgiving someone that hurt you is not always easy. In most instances it requires that you be the bigger person in the situation. Nevertheless forgiveness can give you the chance that you need to move on with your life. I'll leave you with these key things to remember.

  • Forgiveness does not mean that you trust blindly.

  • Forgiveness does not mean that you forget what happened.

  • Forgiveness does not mean that you need to be friends with the person that hurt you.

"He that cannot forgive others, breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass if he would ever reach heaven; for everyone has need to be forgiven."- George Herbert

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