• Chantal Porter

Relationship Advice: How To Move On

Updated: Aug 28, 2019

It’s been said that the brain cannot distinguish between someone getting their heartbroken and them being stabbed in the leg. This seems like quite a fumble for what's supposed to be the smartest organ in the body. Apparently, the body's natural response to physical pain is triggered when we experience emotional pain. The same chemicals are released, and all of a sudden the wrecking ball Miley referenced makes a whole lot more sense.

So, how do you deal with it?

How do you get over someone when your heart is broken?

How do you find happiness when your brain is telling your body that you've been stabbed, and you're about to die?

Relationships are fun until the love turns sour. Here are 5 tips on how to move on after a breakup.

1. Grieve

Sweeping your pain under the rug will do you more harm than good. It is very important that you honor your aching heart. Acknowledge the love that you've lost and the time you invested that you're never going to get back. Find a healthy outlet for your grief and let it out. Cry, scream, exercise, sleep- whatever you need to do. Grief can be destructive if you make it your permanent address, but it is a necessary first step to figuring out how to move on and how to get over someone you love.

2. Get help

Some relationships are more traumatic than others and will require reinforcement to help move the needle of your life in the right direction. Trauma is trauma no matter how it was caused and all trauma should be properly dealt with. You may not be fully equipped to deal with it yourself.

Please let someone else help you heal. Whether you choose to seek out expert assistance in the form of a counselor or you are blessed to have great friends and family who can guide you out of the darkness and help nurse you back to life, do not be ashamed of this delicate stage. It is okay to allow others to help you when you are vulnerable. It is one of the greatest acts of courage and strength.

3. Reconnect

It is very easy to lose touch with people and things you enjoy when you’re in a relationship. Use your season of new-found singleness to reconnect with all of them. Find a new hobby or improve on one that you already have. That project that you’ve always wanted to finish but simply couldn’t find the time to touch, is silently waiting on you to maximize this new stage of your life. Maybe you’ve always wanted a pet; get one. Volunteer to help someone else you may know of who is struggling in your area of strength. Find happiness in the simple things and pour your love into more receptive things and people.

4. Evaluate the experience

A relationship is (generally) between two persons, so when it ends, it is never because of just one of those persons. Hear me out for just a bit longer before you burn me at the stake. I agree that the "fault" percentage is not always 50/50. That is hardly ever the case. Sometimes it's 60/40, 80/20 or even 97/3 whatever the math is, there is no situation that is 100% one way. The only way to figure out the true math is to do an honest evaluation. What did they do right and wrong? What did you do right and wrong? These questions aren't easy to ask, especially if the breakup is still fresh. That's why it's not the first step but it's possibly the most crucial.

Why? Because relationships are teachers and if you don't evaluate your experience, learn from it, and grow, you will find yourself in the same relationship with different versions of the same person over and over again.

5. Date yourself

The greatest connection you want to improve on at this time is with yourself. Singleness is one of the normal life stages, it is not a disease. Take the time to discover yourself and what love is about. How do you prefer to receive love? How do you best express love? How do you move your relationship forward when love is not enough? How well do you know yourself?

While you’re single is the ideal time to find out the answer to all these questions.

Get a journal and write out the things that are on your heart. Spend quality time with yourself. Treat yourself and be patient with yourself. When you learn to improve the quality of your singleness, and find the inner peace you need, you will inevitably improve the quality of your relationships.

Right now, in the ashes of your heartbreak is the best time to do so.

"People have different reasons for the way they live their lives. You cannot put everyone's reasons in the same box."- Kevin Spacey

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