• Chantal Porter

What's stopping you- Overcoming Self Sabotage

It pains my heart to admit this but it’s true, this article is really a kaleidoscope of thoughts based on nothing but feelings. I’ve been struggling with myself and I have been for about 10 months. I’ve missed meetings, cancelled social interaction and I’ve been eating like no one’s watching. The result- I literally let myself spiral out of control whilst convincing myself that I have everything under control. For months on end I couldn’t write and I had practically given up on exercising. I found an excuse for everything that wasn’t going the way that I wanted and inevitably I deemed myself blameless just so that I could feel better. As I’m writing this article right now at 1: 35 AM on a Thursday morning I can’t help but laugh at myself for all the months that I have spent hiding from the truth. So what’s the truth? Drumroll please, what’s stopping me is me! Who knew? So, in this moment I’ll take the liberty of being your unqualified accountability coach and let you in on a secret- what’s stopping you might actually be you. Yes, you are your very own Debby Downer, enemy, backstabber whatever terminology wakes you up the most. If I were brave enough to admit this months ago, 2020 probably would have felt less burdensome. But no, I had to blame it on the… corona. Mind you, I’m not downplaying the pandemic one bit because quarantine has confused the introvert within me but facts are facts, my not achieving my goals isn’t corona’s fault. After some soul searching and basically calling myself out on my very own beeswax, I’ve figured out 4 major things that I have been using to limit my growth. It’s possible that these things might be affecting you as well but you will need to spend some time assessing where you’re at right now to figure out if they actually apply to your present situation.

So let’s switch up that title just a tiny bit so I can be vulnerable with you.

What’s been stopping me?

Feeling like I’m not good enough.

I have had a longstanding struggle with feeling like I’m not good enough. For months on end while pursuing new business ventures I convinced myself that I still lacked something. As a woman, I can speak to multiple situations in which I have compared myself to other female business owners and basically picked myself apart. Clearly this is not healthy but I kept on doing it over and over again. Success and failure start in the mind and as such whenever I venture into a meeting with the self doubt weighing on my shoulders I reaped the result that I was expecting. Why? The answer is pretty simple, confirmation bias and the fact that we always get what we truly expect. In other words, if you spend hours convincing yourself that you’re not good enough then your mind will feel inclined to follow through on what you believe. Now I’d love to report that I am over this but that would be a lie, instead let’s say that I have started on a journey to reclaim my focus, and restructure the way that I think about myself. Recovery tip: If you’re having a similar experience, spend a few minutes each day in meditation, listen to motivational content or read a Bible scripture that speaks to your heart (If you’re of the Christian persuasion).

Feeling like I’m an absolute hypocrite My blog is focused on aspects of my life that I care about. This is where I struggled the most. I couldn’t share anything motivational with my readers or those around because it felt like it was simply coming from my mouth without any belief on my part. Furthermore, I prefer the “do as I do” approach. If getting up each day with the anticipation that things might not work out the way that I wanted was my truth I could not write motivational content or push my family and you my readers forward. Whenever I tried, I felt like a hypocrite and I felt as if I had no authority to speak on the topic. But looking back, was that really a valid excuse? By not talking about healthy eating, exercise, goal setting etc. I allowed myself to slip even deeper into the abyss of under promising and underdelivering. I didn’t set any goals for myself so when I accomplished nothing it started to feel okay. I believe that you’ve accepted death when you accept mediocrity in your life. In other words, brush yourself off and dive into what excites you. No one expects you to be perfect so if you fall off a bit just get back up and keep pushing forward. Recovery tip: If you’re having a similar experience, get yourself an accountability coach and have them track your progress daily, weekly, fortnightly or monthly- whatever suits you best. Staying on track isn’t easy but it’s possible!

Fear of failing FEAR- False evidence appearing real (I’ve heard this from a myriad of motivational speakers, namely Les Brown, Billy Alsbrooks and I could go on but we’d probably be here for a while). Here’s the question that I think we all need to answer- How do you know success if you’ve never failed before?” I grew up super scared of failure. I thought it only happened to people who gave up on life or had about 3 brain cells left. Well I’d like to think that neither of those analogies apply to me but here’s the funny part. I have failed before, more than once but each time something new comes up I still get the sweats and I amplify everything. Now, this could just be a Virgo problem but this has been my process for quite some time. Now how does one cope with this? The fact is I know that I’ll get scared every time I have to do a negotiation or meet with a client to discuss a proposal but I do it anyway. We need fear to survive but we can’t allow it to become a god in our lives. Recovery tip: Still working on this one but I find that if I just take a few deep breaths and jump on the task before all my thoughts kick in, I can power through with only a slight feeling of nervousness or anxiety. Too damn lazy/tired to even try

I’m still trying to be honest with myself about this. I’ve lied to myself so many times when I have something important to do. I’ll say- girl you worked so hard today you can spend 4 hours on Netflix (this is after about 2-3 hours of work). I don’t know about you but the imbalance in my life has been too real for far too long. Better yet, it’s been so real that I’ll get mad at myself for working too much if work starts cutting into my entertainment time (yeah, I’m shaking my head at myself too). I’m not sure how many people lived in their purpose by committing their derriere to a couch but I don’t think that route will work for me. So, this is me expressing some sentiments shared by your couch, it’s tired of you and is asking for some space. So, get your ass up! Stop lying to yourself, you won’t just watch one more episode of that new series, put the TV on pause and reclaim your life. Recovery tip: Limit your screen time and take control of your life. Use your favourite series as a reward even until you fully get over your addiction. Put in the effort to reach your goals and work towards them daily. Success will not just fall into your lap it takes compounded effort. (PS. I've finally found back my rhythm since writing this months ago- I'm positive that you will do.)

Having shared these thoughts with you I do hope they make an impact on your life. We’re all on this journey called life, trying to figure out what our next move should be. All I’m saying is you need to decide for yourself, otherwise the path of least resistance will decide for you. Wake up and smell what the future holds and lay out clear goals that will make your vision your reality.

CPwRites- To The Future You!!!

“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.” – Michael Jordan

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