• Chantal Porter

9 Signs That He Or She Is Not Right For You

Updated: Aug 26, 2019

Have you ever looked at an ex and thought, “you know, you should really come with a

customized warning label.”

We’ve all been there; boy meets girl (or whatever) and they fall passionately in love and

then they fall dramatically out of love. I mean high drama: the world is on fire, cats are

screeching, the Jaws theme song is playing in the background,, and someone

somewhere is in a corner curled up having an anxiety attack. It got real...and you ask

yourself the legendary question, “What on earth was I thinking?!”

Well, it’s not so much what you were thinking that you should be worried about, but

what you were willing to overlook. It is very rare that relationships go belly-up overnight.

You don’t go to bed madly in love and wake up the next day to the bride of Chucky.

There were several warning signs along the way that might as well have been flashing

red, that you simply overlooked. Okay, fine, I’ll be fair to you, maybe you didn’t overlook

them, it could be that you genuinely don’t know what to look for. So, to help you out, I’ve

put together a list of warning signs that he/she is not the one. This isn’t all there is but

it’s a good place to get started:

1. They put you down

There is a difference between giving corrections or making an observation, and

belittling. A relationship should be a safe place to receive corrections and suggestions,

because ultimately, your partner should want to see you grow and develop. If your

partner however seems to have a knack for putting you down (and can never offer an

ounce of praise), it’s a warning sign that there are going to be rocky roads ahead.

2. Out of touch with their emotions

We’ve discussed the importance of emotional support to a relationship. A person who is

out of touch with their emotions will not be able to offer you any form of emotional

support. More than that, a partner with this issue may not know how to receive the

emotional support that you want to give and may wind up pushing you away as a result.

3. Boo’d up (only in theory)

If you’re “baby”, “pumpkin”, “babe” “sweet cheeks” in the bedroom but a passerby in the

streets that’s a warning sign so big it may well be a billboard with flashing neon lights,

blee and whistles. Don’t fall into the trap of listening to their words, instead make a habit

of watching their actions...actions never lie.

4. Eggshells...eggshells everywhere

If you find yourself overly wound up and stressed about what to say and how to act

because you never know how your partner will respond or you have to always test out

their mood before you enter a meaningful conversation, you may be dating a grizzly

bear. Honey, that’s just too much work. There is no point in being in a relationship with

someone and having to perpetually censor yourself. This will affect everything about

your life and your future. Your success may set them off, your failure may set them off,

your outfit may set them off, your schedule...listen, this time bomb type situation needs

to be diffused, fast.

5. Marco Polo (not on the same page)

If you’ve been with your partner for a while and you find that you can never wind up on

the same page about the things that really matter, then you have a problem. Having

disagreements is not the issue, that’s inevitable. I mean you don’t agree on the

important stuff like healthcare, how to manage money, how to raise children, whether or

not you’ll have children, boundaries, those kinds of things. When it comes to making

decisions you’re basically playing MarcoPolo and you both always end up lost with no

hope of finding each other. That’s a big No-No.

6. You can’t trust them



Unless you have a severe trust issue (which I lovingly recommend you deal with), if you

find that your partner has given you reasons not to trust them then you’re in for a bumpy

ride. Relationships are built on trust and respect and if either of those things is missing

then you may need to gracefully exit the scene before things get out of control.

7. You’re not attracted to them

A long-term relationship requires mutual attraction. If you’re not attracted to your

partner, you’re going to find yourself attracted to somebody else. If your partner isn’t

attracted to you, this has the potential to affect several things (especially if you don’t

trust them).

8. Unhealthy conflict resolution

There needs to be a sense of maturity in how you handle conflict. If your partner

punishes you in one way or another (silent treatment, withholding affection, aggression,

making you jealous etc,) you’re dealing with an emotional abuser. This type of treatment

will wear you down and destroy pieces of you until one day you’ll look in the mirror and

you won’t be able to recognize yourself. A partner who loves and respects you will want

to work things out in a healthy way because despite the disagreement they still value

you and care enough about you to see that as being a priority.

9. Refusing or unable to discuss the future

If they can’t discuss the future, they either have no real plans for their life, or their plans

don’t include you. I don’t know about you but I’m not okay with either of those options. If

you know where you want your life to go, then you’ll know the people you want in it.

Sure, there are people who can recreate several versions of their future with each new

flame but if your partner has no interest in discussing anything beyond this year, this

month or this weekend, then I don’t know how much longer you’ll last.

Your heart is too precious a thing to leave up to chance. You have to navigate love with

your eyes wide open, or you’ll find yourself waving a white flag when the red flags start

getting out of control.

Everyone would love to fall in love at some point but it doesn't mean that you should rush into it.  Here are signs that you should use as a waring before you fall madly in love with him or her.

If you are completely new to the dating game, here's a list of tips that you can follow.

“There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.”

― Sarah Dessen

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